Teeth

Whoever invented teeth should have just LET THEM APPEAR GRACEFULLY. And - if need be - disappear just as gracefully... whether youre 8 months or 80 years old teeth are not friends - they are foe.

Lucy never sleeps because great big giant white bastards are beating through her gums on a daily basis. But they don't just appear, they crawl in slowly, pushing strands of gum out, bleeding, tearing and generally looking awful. Nevertheless, despite the pain and agony in my child's mouth she can muster the energy to scream and cry like a Mogwli as water falls past midnight...

The truth is, nothing works like a bottle of milk even if it is about 200 oz a day over what she should consume and she is developing a belly like a darts player.

I have had enough. The travel cot has gone up in our room and no more musical beds. If she screams in the night, she will be an arms length away not a dog, a cat, a baby gym, some discarded dirty clothes, a couple of hangers and hoover away.