Mystery Solved

I placed a Betterware order today. Isn't that what mothers do? Actually, the more I think about it - isn't that what Grandmothers do?

Anyway as I am sure all Betterware purchases are, it was fairly exciting - some strips to stick on the sofa to prevent the cat scratching and a set of mini plastic drawers to tidy the desk that will probably come in more handy as a make-up tidy. There were about 762 other things in the catalogue I thought I couldn't live without but wasn't sure the circumstance would ever arise to use them. The spider catcher that doesn't kill, or the fly strips for the wall... I was tempted by the plastic toe separators and bunion treatment that Gloria Hunniford so convincingly advertises, but I'll have to save that treat for another day. Now I have to wait 10-14 days for my delights. All I do is wait these days.

I cooked dinner last night for a friend. Which meant that my frequent-but-carefully-spaced-out sessions of eating peanut butter and jam sandwiches would have to be dropped for a full on meal. When you're this pregnant the stomach shrinks to the size of a peanut, not because you suddenly become a dainty little flower, but because it is well and truly SQUASHED. So we ate like kings (obviously my cooking is magnificent...) and topped it off with a fresh flake chocolate cake. I bought this from Tesco and it was pretty expensive by their standards so you can imagine the size of the pieces and the belly-pats of satisfaction - from everyone else at the table anyway. It has been a while since I have been sociable and sat at a dinner table (lack of being able to drink can make a person grouchy on social occasions) so as I chatted away I forgot I had a stomach the size of a peanut and ate like a horse. This, combined with the consumption of some seriously fizzy soft drinks meant I thought I would roll onto the floor and explode. Where the hell is that IBS book? (see previous)

Then it hit me....

The reason sometimes I feel (and look) ridiculously pregnant is not because I am having the world's biggest baby. Perhaps not even that I am carrying 16 stone worth of fat on my gut....It is because I am bloated like a whale! The acid is filling my peanut sized stomach and stretching it beyond belief. Particularly with the consumption of fizzy drinks. I am actually full to the brim with wind. I could probably power a town. This realisation also solves the labour pain relief dilemma -

I can just fart this baby out.