THANK GOD

Seems like this is a phrase that is dominant in my life at the moment -

The baby falls out of her swing chair because Momma is too stupid to strap her in. Momma goes for wee, comes back and baby is lying on wood floor dazed but happy. Proud almost. Slight dribble. THANK GOD.

Baby pulls momma's hair which is long and stringy and wraps around baby's finger. Strand of hair nearly cuts off circulation of baby's fingers but momma makes discovery of momma's hair sewn into baby's finger before it is too late... THANK GOD.

Baby is teething. First toothy peg appears. Momma puts finger in baby's mouth. Baby bites down hard. Momma is holding baby's dummy in mouth to stop it from falling on floor. Momma bites down hard. THANK GOD.

Baby is having bath. Baby wiggles likes pole dancer across her bath support (like a sun lounger with cloth). Baby nearly spins head first into bath. Momma regrets pee break at same time. Loo is within grabbing distance of bath. THANK GOD.

Vicar comes round at 8pm after Daddy's long hard day at work to discuss matters Daddy doesn't particularly believe in re Christening. Theological debate ensues. Daddy knows his stuff. Daddy swayed on certain moral issues. THANK GOD (really..)

Momma entertains teething cranky baby tirelessly all day wearing dirty jeans while thinking about dirty beadsheets, towels and washing up. Baby goes to sleep for 7 hours straight. Daddy brings home bottle of wine for Momma. THANK GOD.

Momma reads article in baby mag about baby models. Vain Momma sends off baby's pic to 5 agencies in London. All reply wanting to see baby. Lazy Momma realises she may have to cart baby off all over the town and tube. Agency has pick up drivers. THANK GOD.

Daddy goes AWOL for 30 minutes on way to bonfire night at in-laws across the park. Momma and baby and family wonder where Daddy is. Daddy is cursing the front door lock for freezing. Daddy decides it is time to replace front door. THANK GOD.

Dog pisses all over Momma and Daddy's bed because of fireworks. Local dry cleaners deal with giant duvet very quickly. THANK GOD.

Momma feels sick and tired all the time. Momma pregnant again....

JOKING.

I hope....

...or Daddy has trip to Vet's.