Moods

As I sink ever further into the abyss of late pregnancy and the hellish gates of Overduedom become a real destination, I get more and more irritated by everything....

David Blaine. What a self indulgent, humourless wanker he is. Why do people watch his dumb stunts? Because they are all hoping he will kick the bucket amidst one. He thinks it is because he is superhuman. Arse.

Big Brother. One season possibly two were interesting because of the newness and the mind numbing goldfish bowl appeal. But year after year they bring stupid, celebrity-greedy, shallow, unstable freaks in there to perform for the stupid, celebrity-hungry freaks that watch it. I cannot believe these people are given the time of day never mind air time. It's up there with the morning chav-chat shows as a great annoyance at the moment. I'm forced to sit there like Jabba and channel surf in the hope they all go away.

Droughts. In a tiny country surrounded by water where it has been pissing down for the best part of two weeks. Someone f*cked up there and it wasn't mother nature.

Everyone keeps asking me on a regular basis if I have had the baby yet. Of course I haven't had it. I would have broadcast it on ITN if I had. Never ask a 9 months+ pregnant woman if she has 'had her baby yet.' It could encourage her to rip it out of the belly Alien-style.

And women that have just delivered their lovely perfect babies annoy me most of all.